Equity of Needs in a D/s Relationship

“The paradox is that the needs of the master are not, in fact, superior to the needs of the submissive. Rather, they share equal importance.”
Kacie Cunningham
— Conquer Me

I think, for many people, this fact gets forgotten. There has been a growing occurrence of cookie cutter doms- those that have a checklist for their submissive/slave and cut away everything that doesn’t fit that mold. These types of relationships fall to the notion that the needs of the dominant are more important than the needs of the submissive, that at every opportunity, the submissive should serve the needs of the dominant, and should put aside all needs, desires of their own. I know the opposite also exists- submissives that have an ideal dominant and anyone who fails to meet those expectations is simply unworthy of their submission. Those that call themselves submissives, but everything is done only on their terms, with their conditions, when the moon is red in the sky.

Really, that’s all bullshit. I have found that in the most successful dynamics, the needs, desires, goals, and limits of both sides are incredibly important. This is a space to grow- to explore the outer reaches of our dark imaginations, to understand, to feel what submission and dominance means- and those meanings are different for every person, every relationship. It isn’t about compromise- where everyone sacrifices a need or a goal or a want in order to maintain the relationship. It’s about finding the path in the…