Member-only story

Polyamory, BDSM, and Dating After Divorce

She Writes Chaos
3 min readJan 4, 2025

BDSM works for me in many ways. I love the structure and stability that my dynamic offers me. Knowing what is expected of me and what I can expect of my partner calms the anxiety that I often have in relationships. It also gives me a strong foundation to grow behaviors from- something that I need as an autistic person. Earning rewards, even if it is just verbal praise, and working to avoid disappointing someone I consider an authority figure gives me a motivation to succeed that I otherwise lack. Thinking of myself as something that belongs to my Miss makes me take better care of myself.

The physical elements are vital to my wellbeing. Pain and suffering- when she hurts me in the best ways- offers me a clarity that I rarely find on my own. Bondage gives me a sense of peace, of calm. Even edging offers something more than its surface value- I learn patience and am encouraged to seek more than instant gratification.

It all builds together to create something I consider essential in my life. I was recently having a conversation with a friend in which I said that I don’t think that I am capable of having a vanilla relationship. This does not mean that there are not vanilla elements to the relationship that my Miss and I have- there are plenty. But I have the belief that if I were to enter into a new relationship, I would not be sustained in a relationship that has nothing to do with kink at all.

There is simply too much of my mind that revolves around kink. I spend a great deal of my time…

--

--

She Writes Chaos
She Writes Chaos

Written by She Writes Chaos

Polyamorous girl, submissive, poetry writer. Here are my thoughts, judge them as you will.

No responses yet