Power Exchange Dynamics 201

You can find hundreds of articles on the internet and on fetlife about establishing a dynamic. There are plenty of books written about it that cover the basics- how to share your kinks, how to negotiate scenes, what different collars mean, and defining different styles of dynamics (D/s, M/s, etc). If you are looking for basic, starter information, this is not the post for you. I am going to assume that you already know that information and attempt to go to a deeper level.

I was not new to the lifestyle when Miss and I started exploring the possibility of a dynamic. Neither was she. From the very start of our interactions, we discussed safewords and aftercare, kink interests and limits. While energy is the most important factor to me, kink of some kind is generally a relationship requirement for me, so having these discussions early on is a base line.

We both knew early on that we had an energetic connection. While our initial intention was to be rope partners, I found that it was hard to deny the “more” that I wanted. When things in the background of the rest of my life shifted, it made room for that connection to blossom. What took effort was slowing our relationship down to a speed that actual investment could happen. After all, having a spark is wonderful, but fanning spark to flame takes time.

We have both tried to enter a deeper stage of our relationship with open eyes. We don’t shy away from the harder or more intense conversations, instead choosing to use them as learning opportunities and ways to enhance our connection and knowledge of each other. I had to learn by experience that it was safe to say no and to question her when I genuinely didn’t understand something she was asking of me. She has taken these experiences as a way of studying me as well, testing my reaction to a situation. It is better to understand someone’s honest reaction early and find that it doesn’t mesh well with what you need than to commit yourself to a dynamic and watch the cracks in the foundation destroy the house that you have built.

Many of the things that I find necessary as we navigate deeper dynamics have little to do with actual kink and everything to do with establishing a thorough understanding of yourself and your partner in places where kink does not exist.

I think the most important thing to consider when you want to explore a dynamic has absolutely nothing to do with the person you want to submit to. It is very important to understand your own…