Question 9 for Deepening a Dynamic: Aftercare

Question 9 “What does aftercare really mean to you — and what ruins it?”

Aftercare means connection. It means putting in energy even though the scene has ended or we are apart. It means setting an expectation for contact and following through.

I drop hard. It’s just something about myself I have had to learn to embrace. I play hard, fly high, and the come down can suck. While immediate aftercare is pretty easy for most scenes- water, protein, grapes, blanket, snuggles- the drop I experience often takes days to set it. This, along with the fact that I experience mood swings during drop (anxiety, depression) means I don’t typically play casually. It’s too risky for my mental health.

For longer term aftercare, especially for more intense scenes, I need to have a plan with the person I play with for contact in the days after. Sometimes that looks like a brief check in, sometimes that looks like a long phone call. I need to be able to fade out the connection that we established in a scene as my mental/emotional/physical state returns to normal.

I have found that having something that reminds me of the person I played with is helpful, if it is possible. A stuffie that smells like them is great. Marks are my body are nice. I like to watch the healing process, the way bruises bloom. I like to stretch and feel the ache in my muscles.

Things that ruin aftercare- halfhearted or distracted conversations. I can tell if you don’t really wanna be…