Stradling the Line

For most of my time in the lifestyle, I have considered myself extremely submissive. When I was younger, it was almost a competition. I tried to take up the least amount of space, be the lowest on the hierarchy list, serve quietly, take orders well. I considered it a point of pride that, if I had a safeword, I rarely used it. I was trained to take what I was given and be grateful for it; never ask for more.

About 7 or 8 years into my journey, I realized that I had a sadistic streak. I liked the idea of making someone suffer, whether that was in the form of inflicting physical pain or teasing someone to a breaking point. I would never take charge of someone, had no desire to be someone’s D type. Negotiation, scene, aftercare, end. I was careful to only indulge this side of me with a select few people, and never often.

Recently, however, something has changed. The parts of me that have always found the top side of things desirable have taken on a louder voice. My Miss is a sub-leaning switch and a few months ago, we had a particular interaction. I’m not sure what changed my mood that day. Maybe it was the dress, maybe it was the heels, maybe it was her. I saw her in a different light that day, and the glimpse that I had put fire to the tinder in me.

We have had a few scenes at this point. Some of them have been very physical- canes or paddles or biting. There are aspects of this behavior in a majority of our interactions. I love to bite her, love to wrap my fingers in her hair and distract her from whatever she was thinking or…