Submission and the Media

Today’s Journal Prompt June 16, 2024

How did you decide that you were submissive? What qualities do you consider to be those of submissives?

In some ways it feels like being submissive chose me.

My stepfather was very fond of the Gorean books when I was a teenager. When that was combined with his PTSD from the military and his own childhood, his general views about women, it was expected that the women in the household would be of a more submissive nature. And in some ways that was the case. But I was headstrong enough that I didn’t want to be a Gorean slave, that I felt like something in the way I was being raised was incorrect. I won’t go into more detail than that about it at this time.

I have always gravitated toward older partners (really the gender hasn’t mattered). In high school, it was just people that were a few years older than me that I chose to date, but I did have crushes on teachers. That continued in college as well. I typically went for people in some sort of authority position over me as well. That headstrong way about me turned into bratty behavior, long before I had the awareness of what the lifestyle was, what kink was. I pushed boundaries in all situations, as a defense mechanism, as a way to act out or get attention, as a way to get a rise out of the people I was in a relationship with. There is guilt now that I did all of that nonconsensually, that I didn’t understand that the behavior was unhealthy because I didn’t have those conversations with the person I was…