Submission During Absence

Leniency, freedom, space- it can all feel like a lack of structure. It may feel like you are free floating in space, untethered, alone and afraid.

But the truth is the rules haven’t changed. The structure hasn’t gone away because the Dominant is quiet or struggling. They are no less the Dominant, the Miss or the Master.

It’s more that there is more on the submissive to structure themselves. In some ways, it is space for them to have more devotion, not less. Because they have to maintain the rules of engagement when it’s not easy. When the dopamine isn’t in direct, immediate feedback.

If you want to look at the essence of submission in a bottom, one of the most challenging things I think you can do in a dynamic is delay gratification of approval from the Dominant. It’s not that the “good girl” doesn’t exist or that it won’t be delivered, eventually. But it’s not immediate. The cycle isn’t broken, it’s just taking longer to complete. So in those times, does the submissive still kneel? Does she still submit in her heart? When her Dominant is unavailable does she skip rules, become petulant or angry or demanding?

I’m not saying that having big emotions about being on your own is bad or wrong. If they overwhelm submission, however, if they become so distracting or unbearable for the submissive and the relationship is jeopardy, that probably needs to be looked at. It most likely means that there is a bigger issue at play in the relationship or that the submissive has some trauma work that needs to be done, a deeper wound plaguing her.