Tactile Defensiveness and Kink

For years, I have felt like there was something wrong with me. It wasn’t about the fact that I was into kinky shit, I got over that long ago. It has been more about the fact that gentle touches, caresses, “love making” in the more traditional sense, felt wrong to me. I can stand them for short amounts of time, but then my skin feels like it’s going to crawl off my body.

While I have had less trouble asking my partners for impact play or other forms of kink, it is very difficult to look at someone that I love and tell them to touch me harder. It has also been hard for me to let go of the societal idea of what sex “should” be- gentle and beautiful and emotional. It goes against the way we are raised- that gentle touches mean I love you, and rougher things usually equal abuse.

Last night, I was scrolling fetlife, as I usually do before I can finally drift off to sleep, and I came across an article talking about doing rope with people who are autistic. This was one of the points on the person’s list about considerations while in rope

“Touch can be great and awful and everything in between, but many autistic people are particular about the sort of touch they (dis)like and light touch can be iffy for many.”

So I went and did more research. Light Touch Sensitivity is a real thing in people who are autistic.

“Sensory processing involves how the brain interprets and integrates information received from the environment through various senses, including sight, sound…