The Emotional Intensity of Surrender

There are different levels of intensity in everything we do. Somethings are very physically intense. Painful or requiring great physical effort. Orgasm denial can be very pleasureful in the end of things, but the process to get there can overwhelm the senses, can make one dizzy with need, absolutely crazed, willing to say anything, do anything to make the process stop, be finally allowed to reach orgasm. And when those orgasms are allowed, or forced, they too can get staggering just as quickly.

We can push our minds just as hard. Go past boundaries of fear, fight feelings of trauma or rejection to lower ourselves to a deeper level. Our bodies may remain still, but the mind fractures and tears fall. We only regain ourselves through time and patience, hopefully with the help of the top that drags us down to the depths of that mental hell. We may have asked for it, wanted it, but that doesn’t make the journey any easier.

Over the past several years, bratting has become a suit of armor that I wear on a daily basis. I put on layer after layer of sass each morning, as a way of defending myself from people, from the world. If I keep on a cover of sarcasm, the vulnerable parts of me are less noticeable, less touchable. I used to be just playful, teasing and driving previous dominants to the point of frothing, but always with consent. Mine and theirs. Somewhere along the way of my journey, I have inched farther away from the submissive I started out as and closer to the brat that I have been lately.