Weekly Deep Dive- JOI

Tell Me Just How You Like It

One of my first experiences in the kink world was over the phone interactions. I had met Brad* online and we exchanged phone numbers long before we ever met in person. In the midst of our getting to know you conversations, when things would turn of a more adult nature, the first type of control I temporarily handed over was orgasm control. I learned about edging from him, learned to hold myself away from what was going on in my body to please someone else. I also learned about the thrill that it gave me to do so. Without ever having touched me, Brad achieved some of the best orgasms I had had to that point.

It started out simply. “Touch yourself in the way that feels best to you but tell me what you are doing while you do it.” In that way, he learned what pushed the right buttons, what caused my breath to catch. I was horribly shy about communicating what I was physically doing (I don’t know that that has gotten better over time). But the encouragement that he gave me, when I was struggling, was a turn on. When he felt like he had a better understanding of what physically worked for me, the instructions got more explicit. Instead of “touch yourself for me” he would give a serious of instructions, a slow crawl into desire instead of a race to the finish.

We began to play a game. He would give me instructions and if I obeyed, didn’t argue, didn’t hesitate, I would be rewarded, eventually. We would spend hours on the phone, gradually increasing my level of need. When I would get close to an…