What Dominance Looks Like to Me

“Dominance lies not in the commands that one issues, but rather in the leadership that one provides”

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about why I submit to my Miss, about the ways that I see and feel her control, about what makes her a good Dominant in my opinion. I have a history of being very bratty, giving a lot of push back to the Dominants I have submitted to. In the past, I have probably been called challenging, if not worse things. I fully admit that I am a high maintenance partner, in both the vanilla sense and in the realm of kink.

This behavior is less about my desire to submit and more about the quality of Dominant I have been seeking my entire journey. In the past, I chose a lot of partners that were Dominant in name- adopting a descriptive label, often without the knowledge, experience, or skill to back it up. When I would date someone I would put myself in the box of submission that they were comfortable with, whether it truly fit me or not. In one case, we turned to having a dynamic to attempt to save our relationship. That isn’t something I would recommend.

When Miss and I started getting to know each other, we specifically attempted to avoid a D/s dynamic. I knew at the time that I wasn’t emotionally available for the depth of submission that I was looking for. I was already in a dynamic with my partner at the time, and while it wasn’t meeting my needs, I was putting a great deal of energy into it, trying to be the perfect submissive to a Dominant who wasn’t capable of investing himself or…