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When Dynamics End
Books and movies make Dominance and submission look easy. Most of the time, everyone falls into everything so easily, so naturally and there is no sign of struggle for the submissive. If there is any internal conflict, it is usually the face of shame or trauma. The protagonist has to come to terms with a rough past that lead them in the direction of BDSM or is somehow forced into the situation- they are kidnapped or considering BDSM because they are so in love with their partner that they will do anything for them, but really struggles with it all along.
The reality is vastly different. While the presence of shame or guilt, as does BDSM as a trauma response, those of us who seek out the kink lifestyle as a permanent fixture in our lives face many struggles as we come to terms with who we are, what we need, and why we need it. There are also internal conflicts that arise from WHO we have chosen to devote ourselves to, how we function with D/s inside of that relationship, and ultimate choices we have to make for ourselves that no one else can, no matter the power that we give them.
Love and devotion can be a powerful thing, in terms of a dynamic. Both sides of the slash can work so hard to be the right thing in the relationship that they lose track of what has meaning to them outside of the relationship. I find that submissives are especially vulnerable to losing sight of their own values. We purposely allow our personalities, our behaviors to be malleable. We give ourselves over to training to suit our Dominant partners. This can be a great thing- if you…