Why We Suffer: A Look at the Why behind S&M

If SM is a part of your dynamic, explain how pain works for you. Is it a sexual turn-on, a healing release, a spiritual moment, a session of giving?

Pain can give a number of results, depending on the intentions behind it and the particular timing it occurs. I very much prefer to have some sort of alternative input during sex, whether that is physical pain or mental struggle. While I am capable of having straight up vanilla sex, I find that i have a hard time staying focused on what is going on, not because I don’t want to be there, but more because the repetitiveness of the physical sensations becomes almost like white noise. If I am having trouble achieving orgasm, often it is not because I need to stop or to take a break, but rather because the part of my brain that requires a variation in stimulation is not being triggered. Pain helps with that. Degradation helps with that. Edging or being told that I’m not allowed to cum or move or cry out, all of those things can help. That being said, there are certain types of pain that almost never work to provide a boost to that headspace. While biting my nipples or nipple clamps are usually okay, sharper sensations, tweaking them, etc gets really annoying really fast. It never has been a pleasant or safe option for me

Pain can be cathartic, given the right space. It can provide moments of clarity or relief from overwhelming feeling and I find I often need this kind of pain. Scenes can also help with emotions that have nothing to do with my dominant. I often hold my…